Why life is not fun when Professors try to kill you

Friday, September 4, a very normal day in KGP. Until, that is, a Prof. tried to kill me.
Morbid, you say. You’re exaggerating, you say. He’s a professor, he can’t be murderous, you say.
Sadly, I’m not guilty on all three counts.

What do we know about the perpetrator?
Drive: Golden Maruti 800
Favorite Quote: I am right.
Hobby: Running people over.

Yes, so let’s dive straight back into it. Yeah, pretty normal day in KGP and all that. So I was on my way to a pre placement talk, on a cycle with no brakes (note), along with R (also note). Out of gate 5 of the institute, along comes SKRC (the Prof), in his golden Maruti, looking to turn right, into my path of travel. Seeing that as I didn’t have brakes, and my current rate of speed would take me crashing into said golden Maruti, I did the sensible thing. I sped up a little and crossed the car from the front. A few points to note:
1. At the time of crossing, there was at least a distance of two meters between the front of the car and the cycle, so the probability of collision was very low (unless the driver was a psychopath, which, on hindsight, he was.)
2. The only disturbance to traffic caused was an extra blast on the horn.

I moved on, and a few meters past gate 5, R sped past me, saying something to the effect of “The Prof. is following you in his car, you are fucked”. Well, ok, I kind of expected that. So yeah, I would have to stop, say sorry, he would berate me, and then he would mumble and go off to his sad life again. So, I prepared to slow down.
What happened next was beyond my wildest imagination.

10 meters behind me, he started honking madly, signaling me to stop. I slowed down, and put my feet down in an attempt to slow down. (Ref. Exhibit 1: Cycle with no brakes (PS: Thanks Chin2 for that )).
Next thing I knew, the car was beside me, and dangerously close to hitting me. Still believing in the inherent goodness of all professors, I waved my hands and shouted, “Sir, no brakes. I’m stopping”.

Apparently, he hadn’t heard me, or didn’t want to. Or didn’t care. Anyway, in true road rash (or NFS, depending on what age group you are) style, he ran his car into me.

Yes, you heard me. He did it. He knocked me over with a car. (I mean, what kind of puny, idiotic, dumb, !@#!@#, person, does that. Definite head case if you ask me).

Well, so I fell over. To the side of the road. With my cycle. Duh. As I was trying to get my bearings, and figure out which one of my bones I’d broken this time (yes, this time), the most amazing thing happened. Really.

SKRC got out of his car, took a step towards me, and said…..

Wait for it…..

“What do you think you are doing?”

Yes, that’s what I thought too. So much for “Sorry I just tried to run you over”.
Here I was, knocked over by his car, which he was driving, deliberately, (and rashly) to push me off the road, and yet he comes up with a gem of an opening statement.
Ya, well after that, I pretty much realized that this was no normal person, he was clearly off his rocker. And the conversation (mild word for “heated exchange”) which followed was something like this.
“What do you think you are doing?”
“Sir, the cycle had no brakes, I was trying to stop….” (I dropped the Sir after that)
“Why you come with cycle like that?”
“You could have gotten me into trouble with your stunt..”
“eh?… You just ran me over, I’m sure you should be in more trouble than I am”.
“Who do you think you are?”
“eh?..You just tried to kill me, you hit me with your car, deliberately, I might add”
“I don’t know. I am right.”
“So just to get this straight, every time you think you are right, you try and run someone over?”
“Who do you think you are?”
“I think it’s time for your pills”
“I am right.” (This was getting to be a recurring theme.)
“You can try and hit the fat guy who’s coming down the road. It’ll be fun. He’ll even roll better.”
“I am right.”
“Yes, of course you are. Now run along home.”
(Ok a little exaggerated, the last bit, fact is I had the upper hand 😛 ) Yes, and I have at least a hundred witnesses who were walking by.

Word of advice to fellow Kgpians:
Watch out. It could be you next time.


10 thoughts on “Why life is not fun when Professors try to kill you

  1. Murthy

    “You can try and hit the fat guy who’s coming down the road. It’ll be fun. He’ll even roll better.”

    Did that not already happen ?! 😀

    On a serious note, I sympathise 😐

  2. sandipan

    extremely violated and curiously comical – felt both on reading…on a different note – writing was AMAZING…i guess narration of real life incidents gives birth to excellent writers (read storytellers) in people…

    par bachhe from the next time plz ride cycles with bikes – kgp has a lot of bongs…so just beware…and seriously try to pass out without breaking anything else 😛

    take care

  3. mythun Post author

    @doodle: Since I was trying not to die, unfortunately there is no video 😀
    @Murthy: Thank you man, at least you’re better than all the other witnesses who just walked by without helping 😐
    @sandy: haan ab se very careful, and yes trying very hard to avoid breaking anything 😛
    @Himanshu: Sab sach hai. poora poora. Aur haan ab cycle chadhani hai us par 😀

  4. casinaroyale

    Heard about it. Was waiting for a first person account. And there you are…..

    Some profs are complete nuts. Well, most I guess. 🙂


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