Feel

I’m not very good at displaying emotion. That’s probably why I am a bad actor. I seem to have a standard expression for everything. That’s also why people think I’m a cold emotionless bastard. What I lack in emoting on my face, I seem to make up in words. You can read some of what I’ve written on this blog. It’s some deep shit, if I don’t say so myself. People find it weird that I can emote on so many levels. Heck, I find it weird myself.

So I realized that I don’t know how to deal with death. Do I cry? But boys don’t cry do they? What am I supposed to do? It didn’t compute. I went back to my fail safe. I bottled it all up. And I wrote. I cried while writing, but that’s allowed. Writers are supposed to feel. They’re supposed to be these romantic people right. Well, I am romantic. I just cant show it anywhere except when I’m writing. You should see the wall on my room. I have a lot of romantic poems up there.

Well coming back, I wrote, and I cried, and did both together for a while. Then I realized what would be much worse. A few years down the line, a bunch of us would meet, and we would see an empty chair in the group, and it’ll be like a void opened up. And it won’t be a good void, like the kind you have when you’re doped and all. It’ll be a deep dark abyss. And it’ll be cold. Very cold. I wonder what I’ll do then. Sure as hell wont be able to write. I mean it’ll be dark in the abyss won’t it?

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4 thoughts on “Feel

  1. Pal

    Hi,
    First visit here! A few years ago, a friend of mine passed away. He was 28. At his funeral, his bunch of friends gathered in a circle, and started to smoke and chat. Some even shared a laugh over a joke. It was all I could do, to walk up to them and slap them hard in the face. Human beings are the most selfish creatures ever. We live like nothing has happened…as if nothing has changed. Time does not heal, it just makes us love ourselves more.
    I’m sorry, surely, this is not the answer you are looking for. Unfortunately, this is the bitter truth.
    -P

    Reply
  2. natasha

    there is no standard way of mourning. u just let ureself feel what ever u want to feel.. and as for boys not crying.. thats nonsense.. ure human too mithun.. dun be too hard on yourself..

    Reply

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